I anticipate a good time,
I anticipate connection,
I anticipate well-being
before I even head
to where I’m going dancing.
I bring myself with my heart
flowing
and open
and then I arrive.
I arrive
and let my focus
and my attention
be inside in my body,
in my sensational world.
And I begin to move
just how I feel,
often with my eyes closed,
just savoring being an alive,
mobile human.
Being and savoring being
in the ecstasy of being alive,
being in a body,
being a body--
With all that’s available to me:
sounds
smells
pressure
Breath.
I luscious myself up
for a while
and continue to sense
deeper and deeper.
It’s like sparking
my own fire.
And fanning,
and feeling
I am here!
Then I’ve got to rise up,
and look around,
(still from this very embodied place).
But now I'm eager
to be available,
to be accessible.
I'm eager
to be influenced.
So that what I am,
and who I am
can have some kind of exchange
of energy
to
feel myself as more.
I’m looking to put some spice
and some difference
and some multi layers
into my movement.
And so I’m open,
looking and seeing.
At first just vaguely--
peripherally.
I’m seeing different people
doing different energy.
I’m measuring my energy
against theirs
and tasting to see
if what they’re doing
is something my being
is wanting.
I move closer
to have a little bit more of that
by resonating with it.
I shop a little bit
and bring my little tone.
I come near other tones
and see which ones blend
in a way that feels exciting
and harmonizing.
And when I’m drawn
I have a look,
make a little eye contact.
See if that person
is also accessible
and open--
Or if they’re completely
still in their inner world
with their eyes closed
their energy closed in.
I don’t join anybody
closed in
because they’re not joinable.
But I sense and feel
with many parts:
with my eyes
with my movement
with my smile.
And I’m looking
at nonverbal cues
whether someone’s available
enough.
First there's a little eye contact,
like ah!
Like a little brush
against somebody
visually.
And then maybe
I come back and see–
I brush again,
and meanwhile,
am partnering with them already.
My moves
have started to echo theirs.
And I’m aware of whether
there’s something
in their dance
that’s responding into my dance.
Something that’s not just
their dance
but is taking in a little bit
of my dance.
I can notice that,
I can feel that,
I can see it, I can sense it.
And those feel like little “yeses”.
So those keep me there longer--
playing with "aha, so!"…
And the way I come in
once I’ve made eye contact,
Is like, “Hi, I’m safe,
I’m your friend;
do you want to dance?"
"Let’s dance,
come play with me,”
with full expectation,
and anticipation
that they will want that,
and want me
and answer, “Yeah!”
And what I’m saying
to them is,
“Bring
it on, honey!
Give me what you’ve got,
let’s play!”
And in order to do that
I have to feel really safe
and I have to know that
if I get involved in this--
and you end up somehow,
or I end up somehow
feeling, “Not anymore!”
--that I know how to leave:
“Hey,
bye now!” zzzzzt
and off I go.
Or even beautifully,
“Oh,
my God,
I’m
so in
I
don’t know how to leave.”
It could be that.
And I know that somehow,
some way,
I can trust myself,
take care of myself,
stay present in the moment,
and breathe.
dHG 3/2013
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